Open any beauty magazine and you’ll see articles upon articles about what women want in relationships and how to get it, but there’s rarely space for men to express their relationship needs, and women need to know. Whether you are just getting into a relationship or have been in one for decades, it is useful to know what men want in a relationship. It can easy to assume they want exactly what you want, but that does not always prove to be accurate. Understanding how a man’s mind works can be beneficial to the entire relationship.
Men NEED to feel that when they stack the dishes in the dishwasher like a five-year-old, say the wrong thing in front of your friends, leave the toilet seat up, get too logical, forget something you’ve said a thousand times, that you love them anyway. Because inside every man is a boy who forgets he’s a man sometimes. And every boy gets into things, not because he’s bad but because he’s got a curious mind and a short attention span.
Unconditional support from women is what will snap men out of their boyish behavior and inject them with a desire to be a stronger man. Only when you accept them as they are, who they are, will they want to become someone better.
So many women don’t tell their men how they feel because they don’t want to rock the boat. Or they’re afraid. The truth is when you don’t express yourself, you leave men in the dark. You’re not doing life with him. You’re doing life around him. Men don’t really know the truth of you. You are prepackaging and presenting parts of your life instead of doing your whole life with him. This creates a crowbar, not glue.
Couples grow and get stronger overcoming adversity, not by doing life separately. Know that every time you hold things in, you are building walls inside the sacred space of the relationship. No, men don’t want you to verbally vomit on men. But believe it or not, they really do want to know how you feel. Men want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, and who cares about preserving his and her dignity.
Note that great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man, and build a satisfying relationship, is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.
SELF SUFFICIENT AND CONFIDENT
Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have their own friends and interests. On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner. Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and possibly make him run away.
Men may not say it, because how do you tell the person you love to get a life? But men really want you to have your own life. Really. Men want you to have your own set of friends, activities, and passions. Of course, they want to be supportive of everything you care about and be a part of anything you would like them to be a part of, but they want you to have your own identity because if you have nothing that is yours, the relationship is standing on one leg. Also, if you have your own life, it forces men to get their own life as well or risk losing you. Forget legs. Let’s put our relationship on wheels. One is yours. One is mine. And together, we’ll ride.
It can be easy and sometimes even fun to bicker with and tease the opposite gender, but we have to be mindful when our respective others are concerned. You can make a joke or two, but consider your man’s feelings.
We have all heard the gender stereotypes that are out there. Do yourself a favor and do not belittle your significant other. You probably would not like to be belittled either. Sometimes this might happen accidentally. Be careful of being overly critical with him. It is not good if you do not make him feel good about himself.
For a good number of men, respect and love go hand in hand. These men need respect in their love lives and the respect that you show him will also show your love for him as well.
After all, if you do not respect him, then do you truly love him? If you do not respect him, then he will feel unloved, anxious, and frustrated among other things.
Another part of respect is seeing him as your equal. That means not treating him like a child. Do not treat him like a little boy or compare him to the other guys out there who are stronger, smarter, better looking, wealthier, and so on. Remember that people deserve respect, and that goes double for those who are in a relationship.
Be aware of how you are with the opposite gender. While you should be able to have other friends, it is typically considered disrespectful to flirt with other people whether or not your guy is also there to see it.
The best rule of thumb is to consider how you would want to be treated and apply that to how you treat the guy in your life. Having a mutual, deep sense of respect for each other will be really healthy for your relationship.
We all have a bit of an ego and men are no different. Even the most confident seeming man could use some reassurance now and then. Whether it is about themselves, their careers, how good they are in bed, or how they are as partners, men love to be praised.
While men typically do not need as much praise as women, being praised by their significant others can positively impact their confidence and self-esteem.
Congratulate your guy for a good job done at work or at home and make him feel great about the things that he is good at. Whether he is really strong or witty, let him know that he is special.
If he is the main breadwinner in the relationship, let him know that you appreciate his hard work and what he does for your household, and if he is not, acknowledge him for the other contributions that he has made to the life that the two of you share together as a couple.
Men love to be appreciated and recognized for the things they do whether they are large or small, and it is always best when the praise comes from a significant other. It lets them know that they are doing something right.
Some people don’t consider that men want a little romance too. Some are more romantic than others, so figure out where your guy fits in. While he might not expect chocolates and flowers from you, he might cherish the occasional sweet text from you or the kiss on the lips for no particular reason.
A large part of great romance is the little surprises that aren’t expected but are delivered anyway. Things like a quick kiss on the cheek or an impromptu cuddle session. You can even try something steamier like an unexpected passionate kiss or a nibble of the neck.
Making romantic gestures will also show that you are passionate, spontaneous, and generous in a relationship.
Feeling certain in a relationship is always incredibly important to the parties that are involved. What makes a person feel secure about their relationship? Having a partner who is reliable and honest can certainly help. Guys are no different than girls when it comes to wanting security in a relationship.
Think about it. If a guy is taking you on dates or has a home with you, he would be devastated if you just decided to end the relationship without any warning. That is why it is important for you to be reliable and communicative with him. Remember to communicate with him through the good times and the bad times as well. That way, your relationship won’t just go up in smoke.
Commitment is an important part of a secure relationship. It is important that you both agree on the terms of your relationship and that you both work to maintain a strong relationship. If one person stops making the effort, then the relationship will begin to crumble.
If a man wants to be in a relationship, then it means that he wants a partner. That does not just mean someone to go out to dinner and get intimate with, it also means someone that he can build a life with and make important decisions with.
When two people are partners, they listen to each other and value each other’s opinions, especially when it comes to the big things in life. Partners support each other and do not tear each other down.
In a partnership, the two people involved have to remember that one person should not give while the other person does all of the taking. This can apply to anything from making the effort to spend time together to sharing the housework if you live together. A partnership means that you do it together.
While you should not drastically change yourself to fit into what a man would want from a relationship, you also need to consider that a relationship is a two-way street.
At the end of the day, men want a relationship where they can feel good about themselves and where they feel like they are with someone who is mature. Being able to communicate and compromise are just some aspects of a mature relationship.
Men appreciate respect and having a partner who works together with them. If you can do these things, then you can have a happy, fulfilled relationship with your man.
Jenny Soul is a passionate relationships expert, dating counselor and sales coach. She is also a songwriter, performer and mum. When she is not writing, she engages in counselling sessions and motivational speeches to young people.