It’s so easy for adults to figure the best way out for them to be at ease with themselves, hence when it comes to romantic relationships, it’s the best choice for them to voice out “It’s complicated” simply because they are running from whatever might hurt them or make them seem weak.
Back to base, how do you know you are actually in a ‘Complicated’ relationship? How do you affirm that you are also heading for a ‘Complicated’ relationship? Are there rules guiding ‘Complicated’ relationships?
The truth of the matter is that you really don’t have to be, or find your self in a ‘Complicated’ relationship if you have knowledge of the red flags that point in that direction.
You already know you’re heading for the rocks, or better still in this situation, a complicated relationship, when you hide and shy from the truth. That is the basic lacking ingredient of most complicated relationships-The Truth. The moment you stop owning up to the truth about your relationship, you begin to look for excuses to stay, and when that begins to happen, it seems almost natural to begin to give excuses like; “Oh, you won’t understand, it’s Complicated. No it’s not, you’re the one making things complicated with the lies you’re telling yourself, simply because you want to dwell in that place of deceit, which in all ramifications, isn’t healthy for your psychological being.
However, while this is certain, setting yourself free from such a relationship, might then be termed complicated. For instance, how do you walk up to your boyfriend of say 8 years, and let him know that you are no longer interested in the relationship because you don’t have feelings for him anymore? After 8 whooping years? Isn’t that complicated? As a result of this, you hide from telling your truth, and keep suffering in silence, when people who care about you ask about the state of your relationship, you are so quick to say “It’s Complicated”.
The hard truth is that life is already hard enough to add the complexities of romantic relationships to it, and the more we refuse to own our truth, the more we keep complicating matters.
Sometimes, such relationships can also arise the moment two people flirt and have something going, but are not bound by a relationship in any way. This is the reason why communication is a life skill, which should be deployed at all times.
If you ever find yourself in such a situation like this, it’s best you have a mature conversation around the subject, and figure out ways to solve, without anyone’s feelings being hurt. There is no point keeping someone around, on the basis of flirting, especially when you have both not defined what the situation is. The longer it lasts, the more complicated it would get, and sometimes situations like this don’t end pretty. One person gets hurt, and it could be a lifetime ruin!
Just as a recap, the basic steps for detangling yourself from a ‘Complicated’ relationship are Owning your truth, Being open, and Staying real. If you get these wrong in such a situation, then your relationship (or what you think you have) might be heading for the rocks.
Jenny Soul is a passionate relationships expert, dating counselor and sales coach. She is also a songwriter, performer and mum. When she is not writing, she engages in counselling sessions and motivational speeches to young people.