“I had always known you would ask that question”. I was stunned. I didn’t believe I got that predictable. At this point, I became so anxious to know what her response would be.
I still kept calm and waited for her to answer my question, my heart was steadily increasing its pace by the second, and I was definitely ready for the worst. I knew she was saying something, but I couldn’t concentrate as I kept thinking of what I would do if she eventually said no to me.
“Are you there?” was what she uttered that jolted me back from the world of my unending thoughts. I replied to her and assured her it was a network interference. The next two seconds, defined my life onward, as she eventually replied in the affirmative.
I resisted the strong urge to scream over the phone. It seemed like I had just won a lottery or even something greater than that, which I couldn’t explain. For a few more seconds, I remained mute as I tried to control the excess surge of emotions I was experiencing at the moment.
When I finally gained control over my feelings, we spoke for another 3 hours, defining the new relationship, and talking about how exciting this was going to get. Though we had been friends for a while, being in a relationship was something different and even complicated, to say the least.
The next three months, were the most difficult for me in terms of meeting up with her expectations. I’m not referring to financial needs, but her demand for emotional satisfaction was so much, I thought I wasn’t going to survive. Along the line, after a couple of fights and misunderstanding, I got to know that she was a very jealous person, and always craved attention at all times.
I tried meeting up to her expectations in this regard, but it seemed like I was never good enough for her. In less than 6 months of our relationship, she had introduced me to all her family members, both nuclear and extended, and was constantly bugging to do the same with her.
Convincing her to take things slow was a herculean task, but I was determined to keep the relationship, I really loved, and didn’t want anything trivial to come between us. Gradually, is started getting drained emotionally, and the things that excited me about her stopped abruptly. It got so bad that we couldn’t hold a 5-minute conversation without arguing at least twice in that time frame. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I decided to break up with her.
Breaking up with her has to be one of the worst things I have ever had to do. Come to think of it, she never cheated, hence looking her in the eye and telling her we were done was something I couldn’t see myself gaining confidence to do.
I eventually did it, and as a result of the pain of the heartbreak, I got myself into a rebound relationship. Though it didn’t last long, I’m grateful I did it. It made me see how precious she was, and how I was foolish to let her go. That relationship also taught me that it is bad to learn how to love, and love isn’t simply a feeling, it is the work and sacrifice you put into something to make it work.
Throughout the period, right after the breakup, we lost contact and didn’t speak at all, not even once. When I was over my rebound relationship, I tried planning a means of pacifying her and making her see reasons for us to get back together.
When I finally got through to her, It hurt me to know that she couldn’t move on, while I was already in the arms of another lady. To lift the burden of guilt off my chest, I told her about my rebound relationship and pleaded for her forgiveness, which she did after listening to the entire story.
We got back together and promised not to hurt each other anymore. You may think it would get all rosy from there, but that is where the problem began. We started acting to carefully around each other in order not to do something out of place, and to be honest, we almost got the point of pretense. Easily irritated and intolerant as I was then, I began considering yet another breakup, however this time around, she made it easy for me.
On a fateful afternoon, whole we were both at the mall chilling, a guy walked up to us and said hello. My defenses rose up immediately and I questioned if he had any relationship with either of us. He smiled and replied; “I don’t just walk up to strangers to say hi, I actually know her”. Okay, this was getting weird, If she knew him, why didn’t she respond with enthusiasm. I started getting suspicious. I turned to her and said, “Why don’t you introduce us then?”
She looked at me and from that look, I knew something as definitely wring. Meanwhile, the guy kept smiling at her, which constantly freaked me out anyway, as I waited for her introduction. After a while of awkward silence, he said to me “We are dating”.
The alarms in my head went off and I didn’t know how to react. She immediately held my hands and told me she would explain herself. I decided to give her a chance. She told me everything, that happened, and mentioned that it wasn’t really a relationship and only said yes to him, at the point of her vulnerability during the breakup, and even backed everything up with proof of her chat with the guy in question, who she hadn’t spoken to for over a month.
I got weak, I knew I should be mad at her for not telling me, but all I could feel for her was pity. She was the type that constantly needed to be assured of love, which was the reason for our first break up in the first place. I wasn’t going to judge on that singular act, after all, I had done even worse in the past.
All that happened 3 years ago, and right now as I hold the ring, I feel nothing but joy from within. I’m finally ready to spend the rest of my life with this angel, who only knows how to massive and excess love. Here she comes, walking towards me, beaming with that smile that made me fall in love with her years back.
Jenny Soul is a passionate relationships expert, dating counselor and sales coach. She is also a songwriter, performer and mum. When she is not writing, she engages in counselling sessions and motivational speeches to young people.