Many times you start dating without outlining to yourself what you need in the relationship. Outlining what you need helps you to know who to date and who not to date.
It is important that you know what you need and want before entering into any intimate relationship because if you do not know what you need then you will not know what to expect from the person you are dating.
Aside that, you may also find out new things that are not in contrast to your perception and may not know how to act or behave or you may encounter life situations like setback at work, loss of a loved one and many other threatening occurrences and you may not know what next to do whether to stay or leave.
Mr A. got married to a beautiful girl, everything seemed perfect, the affection, romance and what have you? Everything was dope! She was glittering and representing the very woman of his dream while she on the other hand was finding it difficult to enjoy her new relationship.
She was sad and feeling alone. Months later she had to see a doctor, it was confirmed that she was pregnant, wow! Another member and new relationship to form. This could have made her happy but instead she was sad and scared.
Her partner is not the listening type, he is the work overwhelmed type, everyday he is chasing something bigger at the office but his joy was that he has a pretty wife at home.
One day, he got home and found his wife crying, he swept her into his arms and was consoling her as a good husband should. After a long moment of sobbing, she asked him “do you love me”?
As baffled or surprising as any husband would be, he was shocked, so he looked at her and told her ” with all my heart”.
Expecting her to calm down and be loved like some normal woman would do, she stood up and went to the room, packed a few things and made way for the door.
A confused partner stood and watched her and tried to stop her but all she said was that she wanted to go home, because she made a mistake by marrying him. The man tried his best to stop her but it didn’t work.
She walked out of the marriage for several reasons;
- Attention; apart from the fact that she was pregnant and her need for his attention increased, she felt that she was not prioritized, that was why her sadness was heavy.
- She didn’t know or expected him to be so work oriented, which he didn’t expect her to have issues with because they need the money from the work to survive. Any man will expect his partner to understand this but she didn’t and was expecting him to know. Here is a great article about the common mistakes women make in marriage.
The Common Mistakes in relationships They both Made
1. They did not outline each other’s goal and method of achievement properly before venturing into the relationship. Aside from being together in a relationship which means both parties will work together to keep the relationship smooth, each person has a personal goal and ways of achieving it.
It is important to discuss your individual goals, outline it properly before starting, so that if it is something the other party to work with he/she will know how to subject or align themselves to meet up with it. Understand the vision and purpose of your partner to-be before starting your relationship.
2. Lack of proper communication. It may not be too late if they talked about it easier one before pregnancy sets in. She was the one who was not feeling the love, she should have spoken about it but instead she tried to ensure it.
You should not endure being in a relationship, you are supposed to enjoy it because it is like a partnership, which eases the load and does not increase it. She tried to endure her relationship instead of having communication and talking things out. That was why when pregnancy came in, it felt like more load for her, because already she is feeling alone in the relationship.
3. He did not take into mind that he has a part of him who also needs him as much as his dream and job does. Being in a relationship means giving up some part of you, mentally, emotionally, physically and otherwise. Here is a awesome read about common mistakes men make in marriage.
And another important part of this is that you have to continually check on this other part of you. This is why loving someone seems demanding because you have to do it. The man in the story above tried his best but it didn’t get to her because he wasn’t into her space like she wanted him to be.
4. Know what you can withstand before agreeing to a relationship. Let your partner-to-be tell you all his flaws if possible and you do the same, understand his/her weaknesses and strengths and then see if you can do it or not.
The couple in the story did not have proper talk about strength and weaknesses, if they had she would have known that his strength comes from his work while hers comes from his affection. Now proper talk was not done between them and they ended up being separated due to it.
Most times the things we take for granted in a relationship are the things that can sustain the relationship. Things like understanding your partner’s dreams, how they intended to achieve the dreams, what they smell like, gifts, chit-chat, flirting, winking, supportive etc. These are minor things but they go a long way when understood. It can save your relationship when it is at the point of falling.
It is alright if you didn’t know about this, now that you know, make do with the information. Do the right thing, ask, and understand your partner’s intentions both future and present ones. You might just realise that the person is not who you want to be with or maybe the other way. Do not get overly excited and jump into something that seem like what you can handle, rather be sure you this is what you want and can handle before you commit.
