The rate of divorce in Nigeria and all over the world increases by the minute, leaving others to wonder if there is any hope left in the institution of marriage.
There are various reasons why legally married couples decide to call it to quit, ranging from infidelity to domestic violence, criminal convictions, diseases, and what have you. Sometimes these issues become so complicated, even a third party would willingly advise that such a couple unties the knot.
Marriage is a neutral ground for tow lovers, or friends to find their balance and weather the storm together, however, issues arise that test the foundations of such marriages and there is an irreparable leak, the ship sinks, and both parties are left devastated.
Perhaps, you are in such a mess, marital, and losing for the best opportunity to bail, or have already begun the process, there are certain things you should consider before making the final cut.
Be Open: The moment you reach this stage of contemplation in your marriage is the moment you need to moderately open about your feelings and reactions. You owe this little aspect to your spouse, who might not be aware of where the shoe pinches in the marriage.
If its an infidelity issues, you can attempt exhausting all your options if you still have the heart to remain in union with your partner. Initiate peace talks and let them know what exactly is being served on the table, and the resultant consequences of certain actions or inactions. Even if it still doesn’t work out, you will make your decision, knowing that you tried your best to save the day.
Be aware of your spouse’s emotions: Marriage is a game of two fighters, who are naturally expected to be on the same team against the world. Just before you make that decision to step out of that situation through a divorce, try to consider the feelings of your spouse, regardless of where the hand of the law falls.
At the end of the day, we are all humans with human nature, with an overriding capacity to err and hurt others around us. There are a lot of things you could discover, by merely taking out the tie to put your partner’s emotion in perspective.
Consider the kids: Sometimes this serves as the deal-breaker, and a motivation to making things work once again, except in difficult situations like domestic violence. Try putting yourself on the shoes of your kids, and if its truly worth it, only then should you proceed with the process.
Most times, family dysfunction could cause traumatic experiences for children, especially those of younger ages, who might not totally grasp the concept of a divorce, or what it is all about. It could have a massive effect on childhood memories, and stating other psychological effects would be endless. If you have grown-ups, you might need to consider having a talk with them if you eventually decide to go through with it.
Don’t leave in anger: Anger is a feeling that fuels irrational decisions, which most often times than not, are regretted by the individual. Fine, you have all the reasons in the world to divorce your partner, but one thing you should consider is never leaving in anger. If you leave in anger when the dust settles, you might eternally have yourself to blame for taking such steps, and the psychology around that is quite messy.
Be sure that you are clam enough when trying to decide, that way you can get clarity on whether or not you really want to go through the process of divorce.
Be sure: You have nothing to loose if you keep asking yourself whether to not you are sure about this decision you are about to make. It is important that you are not dancing around your decision, and also not sitting on the fence in taking the right steps to the best of your knowledge.
If possible, give it more time, and think through all the possibilities of all your options, putting in mind, your peace of mind and emotional well being. You have nothing to lose if you just wait it out, except in peculiar situations.
Jenny Soul is a passionate relationships expert, dating counselor and sales coach. She is also a songwriter, performer and mum. When she is not writing, she engages in counselling sessions and motivational speeches to young people.