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Why Intimacy Should Be For Married Couples

Jenny Soul by Jenny Soul
April 30, 2020
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Why Intimacy Should Be For Married Couples
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Intimacy is for marriageHaving a deep physical and intimate chemistry is essential for any relationship, but it’s important to not forget the whole essence of love and respect as well. 

Certainly, the greatest reward of confining intimate fantasies and practices until marriage is to have a conscience free from devastating guilt, disappointment, and regret.

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This is a question that comes up time and time again when discussing with people, our partners, in our head and sometimes in arguments: “We’re in love. We’re planning to get married. Why should we wait to have to get intimate?”

It is understandable why this has become such a pressing issue for young people in their twenties and thirties, as this is an issue most people struggle with but here are a few pointers as to why you should save intimacy for marriage.

THE ARCHITECTURE FOR INTIMACY

Truth be told; We live in a sex-saturated society. Intimacy for its own sake is the focal point of hook-up culture that penetrates a majority of young individuals. To make matters worse, our society has combined this over-sexualization of culture with a trend toward delayed marriage. Financial concerns, advanced academic degrees, and careers are persuading large numbers of people to indefinitely postpone marriage. This is the new normal, and it gives rise to frustration.

When done right, intimacy is like one of the several forces that hold marriages together. Its purpose is to bond two individuals together so that they become one. Intimacy is designed to promote selfless love as partners wholly participate in the process of intimacy, taking mutual ownership of their relationship, and finding profound satisfaction in it. The goal is connection and closeness, fidelity, and an ability to empathize with your partner.

However, abstaining from intercourse until marriage does not guarantee satisfaction intimately. Too often we save intercourse till marriage under the assumption that our intimacy will be more fulfilling when we wait, but this may not always be the case.   When you understand how it is supposed to work, you begin to see that it was reserve for marriage because it’s such a unique, exclusive, and wonderful thing. Stated simply, intimacy is a holy mystery that we’ll spend our lives trying to unravel.

THE GROWTH PROCESS OF INTIMACY

It’s hard to deny that intimacy feels good under any circumstances. It was designed that way. Scientifically it has proven that it activates the pleasure center of the brain, releasing dopamine into the system, a “feel-good” hormone so powerful that we can actually become addicted to it. It also triggers the release of oxytocin (brain’s bonding mechanism).

Our experience of sexual attraction and pleasure is progressive in nature. It grows by stages. When a guy and a girl first start to sense a mutual attraction, they can get so thrilled by just sighting each other across the room. From there they progress to talking, looking into each other’s eyes, touching, holding hands, and kissing. What is titillating in the beginning eventually becomes familiar and routine, and they feel compelled to advance in order to renew the excitement.

The advice regarding intimacy is simple: “It’s your life and I can’t tell you what to do”. But I am going to make a simple request. As you go forward in your relationship, I want you to keep close tabs on your attitude toward your partner. Ask yourself how sex is impacting the way you see her. Is it generating more love between you? Or is it simply creating more demands? 

CROSSING BOUNDARIES

Some couples try to counter the arguments I’ve presented by saying, “But we’re going to get married anyway. We’ve already made a commitment. What difference does it make if we become ‘one flesh’ right now or wait until after the wedding?”

First, you haven’t actually made a commitment yet — not even if you’re engaged. In certain cultures, engagement doesn’t amount to that kind of promise. It’s not the sort of commitment that requires you to step over a line you can’t re-cross without some serious social and legal consequences. The real promise will be given when you officially married. Until your vows are said, it’s still fairly easy to bail out.

That leads to the second point. It’s not uncommon for weddings to be canceled a week before the event. Such things do happen. When they do, couples who have already had intercourse end up carrying more emotional and psychological baggage than those who have made the decision to wait.Marriage and intimacy

Staying True

So how does one lay a strong foundation for marriage? You can do this by implementing four practical strategies: pause, reflect, understand, and decide.

Pause.

“Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.” Many young partners try to put this saying into practice by delaying marriage, but they fail to see how it applies to premarital intimacy. Before allowing yourself to be swept away by hormones and passion, take a deep breath, get your bearings, and figure out how you really feel about intercourse and marriage.

Reflect.

Reflect majorly purity and whole, satisfying relationships. Pay special attention to the following: “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” These nine words present a complete picture of the man or woman who walks in truth. Patience and self-control are especially pertinent to the question here under consideration. There is no better way to prepare for marriage than by cultivating these qualities.

Understand.

Understand what intimacy is in true and have a full grasp of your conviction. Otherwise, your convictions will crumble when temptation comes knocking. 

Decide.

Finally, take control. As said earlier:?It’s your life, and you have to make up your own mind. Find out exactly what you believe and put it into action. 

You and I may think that the true plan for intimacy is too narrow. We may not see it as a gift that should be saved for marriage. We ruin this gift, to be given in the way and timing it intends when we engineer things to go our way, and when we do things our way, we step into a place where there are consequences. 

Tags: DatingIntimacyLoveMarriageMarriage adviceRelationship adviceRelationship talkRelationships

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Jenny Soul

Jenny Soul

Jenny Soul is a passionate relationships expert, dating counselor and sales coach. She is also a songwriter, performer and mum. When she is not writing, she engages in counselling sessions and motivational speeches to young people.

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Nigerian music industry is mourning the loss of one of its cultural giants. Alhaji Ismaila Dele Bello, popularly known as Ahuja Bello, passed away on Monday, August 25, 2025, at the age of 83. His son, Adetunji Bello, confirmed the sad news, revealing that the juju legend died peacefully in his sleep—just a day after celebrating his birthday. For many Nigerians, especially those who lived through the golden era of the 1970s and 1980s, the name Ahuja Bello evokes nostalgia. His music was the sound of celebration, a rhythm that echoed at weddings, naming ceremonies, and late-night parties. His passing is not only a personal loss for his family but also a cultural one for Nigeria’s rich musical heritage. Born on August 24, 1942, in Iseyin, Oyo State, Ahuja Bello was destined for music. Juju, a genre deeply rooted in Yoruba tradition, became the canvas on which he painted his artistry. Unlike many who treated music as a side hustle, Bello embraced it as a calling. By the mid-1970s, Bello had carved a niche for himself with his energetic stage performances, rich guitar work, and soulful lyrics. He was not just a performer; he was an experience. Fans adored his ability to connect with the crowd, blending traditional Yoruba rhythms with modern influences that kept his sound refreshing and timeless. Top 5 Most Visited Countries For Tourism Worldwide - JennySoul.com The 1970s and 1980s were a defining period for juju music, with legends like King Sunny Adé and Chief Ebenezer Obey dominating the scene. Yet, Ahuja Bello held his ground, building a loyal following that admired his originality and charisma. His concerts were more than entertainment—they were community gatherings. Every strum of his guitar carried messages of joy, resilience, and cultural pride. For many families, his songs became the soundtrack of their most memorable life events. One of the highlights of his career was his encounter with reggae icon Bob Marley during a trip to London. Though brief, this meeting symbolized the global relevance of Nigerian music long before the Afrobeats wave. Bello’s artistry showed that African sounds had the power to resonate beyond borders. Tragedy struck in 1982, when Ahuja Bello was involved in a serious accident. At the time, he was at the height of his career, commanding large crowds and dominating the juju scene. The accident slowed his performances and significantly altered his musical journey. For many musicians, such a setback might have marked the end. But Bello’s earlier contributions had already etched his name into Nigerian music history. Even though his stage appearances became limited, his influence continued. His recordings lived on, and his legacy inspired younger artists who admired his dedication to the craft. The death of Ahuja Bello is not just the passing of a man—it is the closing of a chapter in Nigeria’s musical story. His life represents an era when juju music carried social messages, celebrated culture, and served as a unifying force for communities. For older generations, Bello’s passing feels deeply personal. His music was woven into everyday life, from radio airwaves to live performances at social gatherings. For younger Nigerians, his story is a reminder of the roots of contemporary Nigerian music, proving that today’s Afrobeats giants stand on the shoulders of pioneers like him. As tributes pour in, fans, fellow musicians, and cultural associations describe Bello as a cultural custodian who never lost sight of his Yoruba identity. His songs celebrated resilience and tradition, ensuring that juju music remained relevant through the decades. Even in death, Bello’s music continues to breathe life into celebrations. His legacy shows that while people may pass, music remains immortal. Every strum of a juju guitar, every drumbeat at a Yoruba gathering, and every nostalgic radio replay will continue to carry Ahuja Bello’s spirit. The passing of Ahuja Bello at 83 is both a moment of mourning and a celebration of a life well lived. From Iseyin to international stages, from local dance halls to cultural milestones, Bello gave Nigerians more than music—he gave them memories. Though his journey was interrupted by tragedy, his impact remains unshaken. His career serves as a reminder that legacy is not measured by longevity alone but by the footprints left on culture. As Nigeria reflects on his contributions, one truth becomes clear: Ahuja Bello may have taken his final bow, but the music never ends. Rest in peace, Ahuja Bello. The juju lives on.
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