Three couples A, B, and C were interviewed. Their marriages were 20,10 and 5 years old respectively. In the course of this interview, it was discovered that couples A, B, and C faced similar challenges. While couple A had solved theirs, couple B were still struggling to make it work and couple C were beginning to sense the problem ahead. What does this tell you? The problem that you are facing in your marriage is not peculiar to your relationship alone. In the same way, the problems that lead to One couple’s divorce could make another stronger. The question is How do you address your challenges? This article aims to dish out secrets that can fix your marital relationships.
Identifying the Problem
There are various issues that can destroy marriages. While some are common among men, others are common among women. These challenges can however differ with individuals as well.
Challenges Common among Men in Marital Relationships
Men are naturally egoistic in nature. They barely give in to faults and would rather make mistakes than heed their wife’s advice. This can develop into a serious problem because in the end the decisions you make do not affect you alone but your family as well. Is your ego running your relationship? Find out here.
some men grow up with the mentality that dominance is the currency for respect. In other words, when I insist, she must agree. This could be a conscious or unconscious habit. It will, however, help if the man can understand that he is a leader and as a leader, you must listen, guide, and not dominate.
Very similar to dominance is control. They however differ slightly. A dominating husband wants his Will to be done by all means while a controlling husband wants to be at the forefront of every aspect of his family. A controlling husband wants to provide, direct, organize, and be respected without being ready to reciprocate the respect.
Inability to apologize
If men would understand what a sincere apology means to women, relationships will have better chances. Men however find it really hard to apologize to a lady. Without a doubt, this is simply their ego interfering. A man feels sorry and instead of apologizing, he begins a merry-go-round of conversations to keep you talking. Talking gently to your wife after offending her doesn’t take the pain away. A sincere apology does.
Inability to listen
Women are chatty by nature. It hurts when the one closest to them is paying no attention. While it could be difficult to put up with, paying attention to what your wife has to say can be the savior of your marriage.
Challenges Common among Women in Marital Relationships
Nagging is an annoying persistent complaint about something. The Oxford dictionary defines it as constant harassment of someone to do something. Nagging doesn’t solve problems. It doesn’t change your spouse either. Though provoked by a problem, it never solves them. Nagging is so frustrating and is one of the fastest triggers of Divorce. Even the Bible recognizes the gravity of nagging when it says it is better to live on the roof than share the house with a nagging wife(proverbs 25:24). Are you a nagging wife? Click here to find out. Now you know nagging won’t help, think of what you can d differently.
For most women, physiological changes are inevitable. You cannot look the same way you were before you began the process of childbirth. Changes happen. Regardless of this, there is a thin line between physiological changes and body maintenance. Unfortunately, some women tend to care less about their bodies when childbirth begins. Your appearance means a lot to your spouse. You may not be able to perform the magic of getting back in shape but you can control the way you look. Dress well, look good, do not dive into an early old age just because you’ve become a mother, and most importantly, exercise.
Just like physiological changes, sex deprivation enhances as the children come. When you begin to deprive a man of sex, he finds it elsewhere. No one is saying you should become a slave with no will of your own. It has however been identified as a common occurrence amongst women with children. They pay more attention to the kids, take care of the house, go to work, cook and in the end, they’re exhausted and just want to go to bed leaving their husbands deprived. To solve this, you have to put your husband in the equation of your busy schedule. Plan your activities prioritizing him
Men interpret respect as love. When a woman disrespects her husband he understands that she has no love for him. The earlier women understand that the better. The interview carried out on couple A, B and C affirmed that. The women confirmed the fact that when they had changed their manner of approaching issues, it soothed the men’s ego, bringing them to a point where they could communicate and settle their differences.
Poor home management
Home management, in this case, encompasses cooking, housekeeping, cleanliness, etc. while some men may not pay attention to this, many would. Cleanliness attracts, dirt repels. As a woman, you do not necessarily need to do all the house chores at home. You can get help however, your sensitivity to home management means a lot. Are you a poor home manager? Not to worry. If you’re open to learning then there is always a solution. These 15 simple home management skills will keep your marital relationships alive.
How do these challenges affect my Marriage?
From the breakdown, we can tell that these issues can be threatening to your marriage. Maybe not initially, but what happens over time? When an occurrence repeats itself over and over again, they become overwhelming and you find yourself barely keeping up with it.
In some societies, marriage is held in high esteem and as a result, most couples hang on to the fragments of their marriage just to avoid stigmatization. Divorce comes with a stigma that is hard to live with and this is very unfavorable, especially for the womenfolk. In a situation like this, what becomes your fate? Endurance? Definitely not. Let’s explore some solutions to failing marriages.
Solutions to Failing Marital relationships
Communication- learn to speak your mind and be mindful of the manner through which you do this. Communication is not a debate exercise. Read this to see tips on how to communicate with your spouse even when you are having a quarrel.
Sacrifice- Sacrifice is key to making it work. How ready are you to compromise certain things just to make it work? One of the major reasons people experience challenges in marriage is because they went in with loads of expectations. Expectations are not wrong but can be selfish. When you prioritize your expectations, and they are not met, this becalmed an issue. Rather than see marriage as an opportunity to take, change your perspective and see it as an assignment to give to your partner. What are you bringing to the table? Sacrifice downplays selfishness. When two people see the happiness of their spouses as their responsibility, happiness is inevitable.
Build Compatibility- If your marriage must be saved, you have to be intentional about building compatibility. Incompatibility is a huge threat to marriages. Being intentional about developing similar interests with your partner, however, is a solution. When you compromise to adjust to their hobbies, they will appreciate that and adjust to yours as well. This way, you both can find a meeting point of similar interest and can do these things together as a couple.
Understanding- Be intentional about understanding. The decision to understand your spouse comes from the mind. When you make up your mind not to see reasons with your spouse at all, communication can never be effective.
Support: Be less judgemental and more supportive. The physical body changes women experience after childbirth are depressing. You do not want to add to this by making her feel less of herself. Learn to love her regardless and together, you can work out a plan for activities that will improve her physical appearance. You can help with the kids as well. Ladies, you can support your man by being there, encouraging, and helping out with finances and other challenges.
Little Acts that keeps the spice in marital relationships!
Look good! Your appearance matters a lot. Make good choices of clothes, fragrances, toiletries, and make-up.
Occasionally surprise your spouse with gifts. It works magic!
Learn forgiveness. Mistakes will always come, therefore, learn to forgive.
Listen more. Your spouse should be your number one gossip mate not your friend in the office.
Be spontaneous. Avoid conventions so that your marriage doesn’t fall into a particular pattern. That can be very boring to deal with for life.
Be more vocal with your feelings. Do not assume your spouse knows how you feel. Rather, say it more often.
Be supportive at all times. Help your wife with chores. Support your husband’s career and finances. Work together as a team.
These acts apply to men and women. Let’s make it work!
Marriage is beautiful and the broken pieces of your marriage can be traded for this beauty. To fix a broken piece, however, you first need to be aware that it is broken. Click here to find out if your marriage is headed for a divorce and needs to be fixed. Remember the currency remains your willingness to make it work. Enjoy!