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I’m 20 Years Older Than My Boyfriend. Can It Work?

Jenny Soul by Jenny Soul
May 13, 2020
in Blog, Relationships
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I’m 20 Years Older Than My Boyfriend. Can It Work?
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I'm older than my boyfriendSometimes, we hear the saying that age is nothing but a number, however, a close study at the characterization of human beings at each new milestone proves otherwise. 

Naturally, human beings, are love conscious, it just varies what we decide to focus on as the object of love. Even for those who might want to argue that loneliness exists, you will find that even in that loneliness, something fills up that yearning void. 

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Now back to the present, there has been a preconceived notion that in most healthy relationships, the man must be or should be older than the woman in terms of age. How this came about might not be fully discovered, however, in this patriarchal order of society, concepts like that, tend to be easily accepted. 

With this as a background rule to fishing out your life partner, a lot of people have missed out on something simply because they are completely blinded by the rules of age, and refuse to see beyond that point. 

In this age and time, a lady of 35 who has found love in a young man of about 22 might be easily discouraged to call off the affair simply because she is “Way older” than he is. Meanwhile, in some other parts of the world, she doesn’t need to be discouraged, as family and friends would see to it that the relationship doesn’t blossom beyond the acquaintance level, and even if she proves stubborn about it, she might be labeled as a ‘Sugar Mama’ in relation to her lover. 

These and many more are the challenges faced by a lady who is older than her boyfriend in age and would like to take the next step into forever. The question is can it work? Older women and younger men

TWO SIDES OF THE COIN

While it might seem easy to advise that determination and understanding would actually make it work, it is also important to view from a different angle. 

In a relationship where the age difference between the man and woman is as ‘expected’ and ‘accepted’ by the society, there are issues, and while some find a way to settle their grieving differences, others simply take the back door and exit. 

Meanwhile, in a relationship where the lady is way older than her boyfriend, most times, there is an underlying tension between them, either coming from the lady who doesn’t want to project r magnify her age to the detriment of her boyfriend, or the man, who might naturally want to feel slighted at every given opportunity. Hence it becomes tacky to determine whether or not such a relationship would flourish, except by mutual understanding. 

In every relationship, there should be room for growth, expression, and communication. These three ingredients are paramount regardless of what barrier might be placed in front of both partners. 

If as a lady you find yourself in such a situation, remember that it is your choice, and the moment you begin to feel uncomfortable about it genuinely, then that is the time you need to exit that relationship. There is no point going against your conscience in the relationship and still face persecution from the outside world. 

It takes two to tango in the relationship, and communication forms a large part of the success or failure in every relationship. The moment you both decide to commit in the relationship, communicate your expectations and fears. This would help you both to identify trigger points, and also work on things that should be worked on. You cannot just sit in silence and expect everything to work out just fine, you have to put in the work. Go the extra mile to show that you ready to go down that road. 

However, if you are caught in a divide, and your family has requested that you end the relationship, simply because you are older, first and foremost, make them see reasons why you have decided to stand by your choice. Also be sure that whoever it is you are being defiant about is definitely worth the fight and not someone who in the long run, would attempt to put your feelings in jeopardy. In other words, ensure that he is mature enough to handle situations like this, and level up to your own personal and reasonable expectations. 

In conclusion, guard your mind and your heart, and never for once use your age as leverage to act in certain disappointing manners. The ones who hold on to such a relationship with maturity and understanding, are the ones that make society give breathing rooms to those who might find themselves in such a situation in the future. 

Tags: DatingLoveRelationship adviceRelationship talk

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Jenny Soul

Jenny Soul

Jenny Soul is a passionate relationships expert, dating counselor and sales coach. She is also a songwriter, performer and mum. When she is not writing, she engages in counselling sessions and motivational speeches to young people.

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Nigerian music industry is mourning the loss of one of its cultural giants. Alhaji Ismaila Dele Bello, popularly known as Ahuja Bello, passed away on Monday, August 25, 2025, at the age of 83. His son, Adetunji Bello, confirmed the sad news, revealing that the juju legend died peacefully in his sleep—just a day after celebrating his birthday. For many Nigerians, especially those who lived through the golden era of the 1970s and 1980s, the name Ahuja Bello evokes nostalgia. His music was the sound of celebration, a rhythm that echoed at weddings, naming ceremonies, and late-night parties. His passing is not only a personal loss for his family but also a cultural one for Nigeria’s rich musical heritage. Born on August 24, 1942, in Iseyin, Oyo State, Ahuja Bello was destined for music. Juju, a genre deeply rooted in Yoruba tradition, became the canvas on which he painted his artistry. Unlike many who treated music as a side hustle, Bello embraced it as a calling. By the mid-1970s, Bello had carved a niche for himself with his energetic stage performances, rich guitar work, and soulful lyrics. He was not just a performer; he was an experience. Fans adored his ability to connect with the crowd, blending traditional Yoruba rhythms with modern influences that kept his sound refreshing and timeless. Top 5 Most Visited Countries For Tourism Worldwide - JennySoul.com The 1970s and 1980s were a defining period for juju music, with legends like King Sunny Adé and Chief Ebenezer Obey dominating the scene. Yet, Ahuja Bello held his ground, building a loyal following that admired his originality and charisma. His concerts were more than entertainment—they were community gatherings. Every strum of his guitar carried messages of joy, resilience, and cultural pride. For many families, his songs became the soundtrack of their most memorable life events. One of the highlights of his career was his encounter with reggae icon Bob Marley during a trip to London. Though brief, this meeting symbolized the global relevance of Nigerian music long before the Afrobeats wave. Bello’s artistry showed that African sounds had the power to resonate beyond borders. Tragedy struck in 1982, when Ahuja Bello was involved in a serious accident. At the time, he was at the height of his career, commanding large crowds and dominating the juju scene. The accident slowed his performances and significantly altered his musical journey. For many musicians, such a setback might have marked the end. But Bello’s earlier contributions had already etched his name into Nigerian music history. Even though his stage appearances became limited, his influence continued. His recordings lived on, and his legacy inspired younger artists who admired his dedication to the craft. The death of Ahuja Bello is not just the passing of a man—it is the closing of a chapter in Nigeria’s musical story. His life represents an era when juju music carried social messages, celebrated culture, and served as a unifying force for communities. For older generations, Bello’s passing feels deeply personal. His music was woven into everyday life, from radio airwaves to live performances at social gatherings. For younger Nigerians, his story is a reminder of the roots of contemporary Nigerian music, proving that today’s Afrobeats giants stand on the shoulders of pioneers like him. As tributes pour in, fans, fellow musicians, and cultural associations describe Bello as a cultural custodian who never lost sight of his Yoruba identity. His songs celebrated resilience and tradition, ensuring that juju music remained relevant through the decades. Even in death, Bello’s music continues to breathe life into celebrations. His legacy shows that while people may pass, music remains immortal. Every strum of a juju guitar, every drumbeat at a Yoruba gathering, and every nostalgic radio replay will continue to carry Ahuja Bello’s spirit. The passing of Ahuja Bello at 83 is both a moment of mourning and a celebration of a life well lived. From Iseyin to international stages, from local dance halls to cultural milestones, Bello gave Nigerians more than music—he gave them memories. Though his journey was interrupted by tragedy, his impact remains unshaken. His career serves as a reminder that legacy is not measured by longevity alone but by the footprints left on culture. As Nigeria reflects on his contributions, one truth becomes clear: Ahuja Bello may have taken his final bow, but the music never ends. Rest in peace, Ahuja Bello. The juju lives on.
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