Sometimes, we hear the saying that age is nothing but a number, however, a close study at the characterization of human beings at each new milestone proves otherwise.
Naturally, human beings, are love conscious, it just varies what we decide to focus on as the object of love. Even for those who might want to argue that loneliness exists, you will find that even in that loneliness, something fills up that yearning void.
Now back to the present, there has been a preconceived notion that in most healthy relationships, the man must be or should be older than the woman in terms of age. How this came about might not be fully discovered, however, in this patriarchal order of society, concepts like that, tend to be easily accepted.
With this as a background rule to fishing out your life partner, a lot of people have missed out on something simply because they are completely blinded by the rules of age, and refuse to see beyond that point.
In this age and time, a lady of 35 who has found love in a young man of about 22 might be easily discouraged to call off the affair simply because she is “Way older” than he is. Meanwhile, in some other parts of the world, she doesn’t need to be discouraged, as family and friends would see to it that the relationship doesn’t blossom beyond the acquaintance level, and even if she proves stubborn about it, she might be labeled as a ‘Sugar Mama’ in relation to her lover.
These and many more are the challenges faced by a lady who is older than her boyfriend in age and would like to take the next step into forever. The question is can it work?
TWO SIDES OF THE COIN
While it might seem easy to advise that determination and understanding would actually make it work, it is also important to view from a different angle.
In a relationship where the age difference between the man and woman is as ‘expected’ and ‘accepted’ by the society, there are issues, and while some find a way to settle their grieving differences, others simply take the back door and exit.
Meanwhile, in a relationship where the lady is way older than her boyfriend, most times, there is an underlying tension between them, either coming from the lady who doesn’t want to project r magnify her age to the detriment of her boyfriend, or the man, who might naturally want to feel slighted at every given opportunity. Hence it becomes tacky to determine whether or not such a relationship would flourish, except by mutual understanding.
In every relationship, there should be room for growth, expression, and communication. These three ingredients are paramount regardless of what barrier might be placed in front of both partners.
If as a lady you find yourself in such a situation, remember that it is your choice, and the moment you begin to feel uncomfortable about it genuinely, then that is the time you need to exit that relationship. There is no point going against your conscience in the relationship and still face persecution from the outside world.
It takes two to tango in the relationship, and communication forms a large part of the success or failure in every relationship. The moment you both decide to commit in the relationship, communicate your expectations and fears. This would help you both to identify trigger points, and also work on things that should be worked on. You cannot just sit in silence and expect everything to work out just fine, you have to put in the work. Go the extra mile to show that you ready to go down that road.
However, if you are caught in a divide, and your family has requested that you end the relationship, simply because you are older, first and foremost, make them see reasons why you have decided to stand by your choice. Also be sure that whoever it is you are being defiant about is definitely worth the fight and not someone who in the long run, would attempt to put your feelings in jeopardy. In other words, ensure that he is mature enough to handle situations like this, and level up to your own personal and reasonable expectations.
In conclusion, guard your mind and your heart, and never for once use your age as leverage to act in certain disappointing manners. The ones who hold on to such a relationship with maturity and understanding, are the ones that make society give breathing rooms to those who might find themselves in such a situation in the future.
Jenny Soul is a passionate relationships expert, dating counselor and sales coach. She is also a songwriter, performer and mum. When she is not writing, she engages in counselling sessions and motivational speeches to young people.