Introduction
A successful marriage is the collective effort of the man and woman involved. In other words, both have a part to play in order to make their union work. As this marital journey progresses, there are bound to be mistakes made by both parties. Sadly, society seems to have its accusing eye fixed majorly on women when things go sour. This is, however, both wrong and unfair. This article aims at bringing to light four major mistakes men make in marriages that threaten the union.
Prioritizing Friends: One of the Major Mistakes
Over 70 percent of married men are guilty of this. In fact, it has been discovered that the majority of the first huge misunderstanding a man has with his wife, is always connected to his friends. At the initial stage of marriage, men tend to:
- Still chill out with the guys
- Discuss his marital challenges with the guys
- Invite his friends over occasionally
- Spend late nights drinking with the guys among other things.
They do this forgetting that there is a woman at home who needs more of their attention now. This in return develops into misunderstanding.
The Root of this Challenge
Not to get this all wrong, most men do this with no intention of offending their wives. It j is just a lifestyle they’ve been used to before marriage. As a result, when their wives complain, they feel she is suddenly becoming overbearing. The thing to understand, however, is the fact that the life of a single man is nothing compared to being married.
When you get married you spend the bulk of your time with your spouse. Your responsibility is tied to your home so you must be available. Your friends should understand this and it is your duty to make them understand. In the end, it is absolutely important to have friends. In other words, this article is not kicking against friendship. It rather intends to make you understand when friendship is getting in the way of marriage.d. Click here to see how your friends can make or break your marriage.
Disrespect for wife
I once experienced a girl in secondary school threaten her mother for refusing to provide an item she had requested for. “It is not a priority” her mom had explained. Surprisingly, the teenage girl said “I will report you to Daddy and he will shout at you”
It is appalling it knows that some men place their wives on the same level as their kids. In other words, they see their wives as children that should be scolded, threatened, beaten, and provided for as well. Sadly, most men do these things before their children, completely oblivious of the effect this would have on them.
The Effect of disrespect
When children grow up in an environment where dad scolds mom, they develop into adults seeing this as normal/ideal, thereby, extending the trait. In other cases, it affects the psychology of the children. It leaves them emotionally broken, sad, and withdrawn.
In addition, as a man, you need to understand that every individual has a breaking point. When you repeatedly treat your wife with disrespect she loses respect for you as well. Moreover, is it not said that respect is reciprocal? In a worst-case scenario, your wife not only loses respect for you but loses love and affection as well. This, therefore, leaves the marriage sour until divorce feeds on what is left of it.
Insecurity: a Mistake Men Should Avoid
Put in another word, insecurity is both a lack of trust and low self-esteem. It is one of the mistakes that threaten marriages. This most times instigated when the success of the woman exceeds her spouse’s success. This can easily make a man think low of himself. When a man begins to think low of himself, his ego is threatened and little things make him insecure. Sadly, to make up for their lack of trust, they use dominance to put their wives under control. This is very wrong. As a man, you need to trust and support your wife. She is not a rival but a teammate. Understand that her growth is yours as well.
General Signs of an insecure man
- Always wanting to know about his wife’s whereabouts
- He is uncomfortable seeing his wife look good in certain outfits (decent/not). He wants to decide what his wife should wear
- An insecure man gets really uncomfortable with his wife’s career growth. He always wants her growth to be below his.
- Insecure men try to suppress their wives when they earn more than they do.
- Insecure men are stalkers. They never give their spouses breathing space.
These insecurities can constitute a problem in your marriage if not properly handled. Yes, certain situations can make a man feel insecure but when it does, be open with your wife. Talk about your insecurities; don’t act on them. In the end, maybe you’d realized you have been worried over nothing.
Prioritizing kids over wife
The majority of married men are guilty of this at some point in their marriages. While some realize how wrong this is, others don’t. Prioritizing kids over wife comes on naturally but you have to be sensitive enough to know when you stop giving enough attention to your wife.
Don’t the kids matter?
I can guess the question in your head. Don’t you think the kids deserve more attention? They are more fragile. My wife is a grown woman. Well, in response to that, you need to understand that you can never give enough attention to the kids than your wife will. When you pay attention to your wife, she doubles it and showers even more on yourself and the children. Never let her come to that point where she feels deprived because an unhappy wife equates an unhappy home.
Moreover, paying more attention to your wife doesn’t mean the kids should be ignored. Love your kids. Take good care of them. Listen to and attention to their worries. However, while you do these make your wife’s happiness a priority. She went through the pain of bringing the kids to life. Give her some credit. Show her some appreciation. DO NOT make her feel unloved.
To know if priority on your kids is taking its toll on your marriage, click here and find out.
Conclusion
The good thing about mistakes is that we learn from them. It is however an advantage to you reading this article that you still have the option of avoiding them altogether before they hurt you. Are you guilty of the following mistakes explored in this article? Is your marriage being threatened by your indeliberate actions? Read this to see just how to fix your union and restore its sweetness. It sure helps
