This article is specifically written for the ladies. It gets to a certain age where being unmarried becomes a worry. For some, the worry comes from their late 20s and earlier 30s. Others, however, do not get worried at this stage but at a later age of late 30s and early 40s. With 40 as our power word, this article addresses every lady who feels she has exceeded her peak of getting a man. Are you 40 and unmarried (younger or older)? Read along to find out why and see solutions to finding your man!
Dealing with the stigma of being unmarried
Before we delve into the why’s and solutions, we first need to deal with the source of every unmarried lady’s worry. This source is social stigmatization. Yes, society has been formed to wrap the values of a woman around marriage. As a result, no matter how successful you become, you are seen as incomplete till you get married to a man. This is not right and should never have an influence on your decision.
Over the years, women have fought hard to break through the shackles of social stigmatization for being unmarried. This explains the evolution of feminist movements. This, however, has led so many women into making choices that may hurt them within. You may have the drive to get married but just because you want to prove your independence to society, you hold back some more. Later in life, you become that strong independent, and successful woman other women admire. However, within you, you yearn for the love of a man. Not just any man but YOUR MAN. Yes, there is a difference between a man and your man. Are you a victim of this circle? Not to worry, it’s not over yet! There is always a plan b in every puzzle.
Why Older women find it hard to get a spouse
Being out of your peak in finding a man does not mean that men do not come around. The problem however is the fact that other factors have set in with age and wisdom which influences the decision. Put in another way, the choices a 40-year-old lady wants in a man and that of a 23-year-old lady are never the same. There is over a 15 years gap of life experiences and maturity that makes their choices differ. The question then is: whose expectations make it easier to make a choice?
The 40s vs 20s and their Choices of Men: Exploring the Why’s of being Unmarried
A lady in her late 30s and 40s is more likely to have achieved some level of success. She has been working hard all these years and is not ready to settle for a man who is less successful. Ladies in their 20s however, may not fit perfectly into this line of thought. They would rather be satisfied with any man who is working really hard and has attained a reasonable level of success. They believe that together they can work hard to make it work. Society hugely contributes to this as they have made men believe that successful women cannot make good wives to men below their achievements.
This factor influences both younger and older women. Every woman has a spec. A woman’s spec means her preferred physical appearance of a man. Some like tall and dark men. Some prefer them average and fair, while some may like them short and chubby. Whichever way, when they do not see these qualities in a man, they are turned off. Sometimes they find a man with these qualities but they lack other qualities on their list. As a result, the lady refuses to go ahead with him.
Love and choices
The idea of love for women in their 40s and 20s differs. While a lady in her twenties can be carried away by love and emotions, which makes it easier to settle in for someone who may not meet all her standards. Older women however have come a long way that love and infatuation never influence her decision. She knows her choice if a man and consciously makes a decision sticking to that choice.
The influence of society is less on ladies in their 20s. Pressure may come from the immediate family but not the society at large. For a lady in her 30s and 40s, the societal pressure is too much to handle that most times they make the mistake of giving in to just anybody. For that reason, they tend to be even more conscious of making a choice.
The Solutions to being Unmarried
Seeing the various factors that influence marital choices and delays, let’s proffer solutions to them.
Understand you may never get it all
In an examination, 70 percent is an A and 60 percent is a B. Whether or not you make 85, 90, or 100 percent, you still enjoy similar credit units. The same is applicable to marriage. You hardly get a hundred percent of your choice of a man. You may have to settle for a man who meets up to 70 percent of your desired qualities. Set your choices in an order of preference. This way, you can tell if he meets your most important qualities.
Set your priorities right
In setting your criteria for your choices in men, apply wisdom. Do not make the things that matter less be at the top of your list. A man’s height, completion, size, etc should not be your number one criteria. A lot of things matter more than that but we always seem to be blinded by physical appearance. If you get married to a handsome man who pays little or no attention to you, chances that you will get frustrated in a short while is high. You will get tired of the beautiful face one day and if there are no beautiful characters to sustain the attraction, then there is a problem. Now I relate even better to the lines of the G.R.L’s song titled “Ugly Heart” when they say:
…But it’s such a pity a boy so pretty
has an ugly heart”
Note: Peace of mind comes supersedes physical attraction. be wise!
Keep an Open Mind
Keeping an open mind put in another way is giving people a chance. Do not be quick to judge people off. Do not judge a person’s personality based on assumptions or hear-say. some times, a man who appears mean and unfriendly could be the most cheerful person you’ll ever know. The same applies to other character traits. Do not judge character by appearance. Learn to give people a chance to unfold their true personalities.
One mistake women make when they get older is to become desperate. This as well influences who they really are. They begin to adjust to fit into a seemingly more desirable version of themselves. This is never helpful. Being a different version of yourself will attract the wrong person. Being advanced in age does not mean you will have no man coming your way so be yourself. This way, when he comes around, he loves you for who you are.
Being unmarried at a certain age does not define you. The societal pressure may be overwhelming. However, one has to be careful not to make a decision under pressure. In the same way, whatever your heart desires, go for it. If you wish to remain a single and independent woman, boldly become just that. On the other hand, if your heart yearns for a companion, keep an open mind, set your priorities right, and things will fall in place at their own time. Remember, people’s timing differs. Stick to yours with patience. Click here to see 6 signs that tell you ‘He is Mr. Right!’. Are you finding it challenging to attract a man? Click here to see just how to attract and sustain a man.